Breakups
Let’s be honest, Breakups suck. They’re awkward and they’re not fun.
Client’s often ask: Why does this breakup have to hurt so much?
The answer is the end of a relationship is a loss. We grieve the loss of companionship, what we thought our future plans would look like, perceived security, and invested time.
Many of my clients find breakups leave them feeling alone, confused, ashamed, and lost. Losing a relationship creates many new challenges including adjusting to life without your partner. Research shows that breakups can trigger our fight or flight response. Your body and mind respond to a breakup as if there is a threat you need to deal with and prepare for.
Understanding your relationship story, your role in the relationship story, and how the relationship came to a close is the first step in the healing process. In session, I encourage clients to reflect on some of the questions listed below to help them clarify how they feel.
If nothing changed could you stay in your relationship?
What attracted you to the relationship dynamic?
How did you feel throughout the relationship?
What doubts do you have about dating again?
What were the high and low points of your relationship?
How do you feel when you are around this person or in contact with them?
A relationship ending can leave us feeling unlovable, worthless, and inadequate. Remember to have compassion for yourself as you’re grieving and navigating this major life transition. Reflect on the questions below.
What do you value about yourself?
What do you bring to the table in your relationships?
What is unique about you?
What draws people to you?
What would you say to a friend in this situation? What do you think they would need to hear?
Remember that only ONE person rejected you. Being rejected by one person does not mean you should reject yourself. This rejection means so much because you held this person’s opinion to such a high degree.
It is our goal at Comm Counselling to help our clients navigate their relationships in authentic ways that respect their values. It is important to remember all relationships mean something even if they end. We learn something from every prior partner and take these lessons with us as we continue to explore new relationships.
Be kind and gentle with yourself.
-Hannah
